Day 12

God's Mirrors

To "tell the truth" is a tricky thing. Whose truth am I asking for? Their truth will not be my truth, and whether I am living a divided life or not, how will they know my truth.

The greatest truth telling I've experienced has been in what Parker Palmer calls, "Circles of Trust." These circles have included 4 or 5 people who have patiently listened to me as I struggled with some question or issue in my life.

They did not correct or advise me. They did not try to fix me or my problem. They didn't try to give me an answer. They simply sat with me, waiting with me, sometimes during long silences. They gave me the space to let my soul speak its own truth, whether either of us recognized it at the time or not.

When we ended the cirlce, having paid close attention, they told me what they heard and what they saw without judgment, without commentary and without interpretation. It may sound like the caricatured parroting we've heard in so many workshops about 'active listening:' "what I hear you saying is...;" "when you said...did you mean..."

This reporting back is usually as detailed as possible, including body posture and voice tone: "when you said...you leaned foward and your voice softened." Again, it is given without such interpretations as, "you raised your voice, as if you were angry."

I've been on the outside and the inside of these circles, and both have been some of the most profoundly sacred times of my life. On the outside, I have been blessed by the trust to hear and witness someone else's journey. On the inside, I have heard the most profound truth about my life, truth I did not hear even as I spoke it.

A few years ago, I participated as the "focus person" of a circle. At the end, someone repeated back to me a phrase that has stuck with me ever since. I had been talking about choices in life, and how we trick ourselves into thinking we don't have choices by saying things like, 'well, I have to go to work,' or 'I have to have a job...' but we do have choices, we don't have to have a job. Sure there will be consequences.

It was then that I said, "I tell myself, I don't have a choice, I have to show up on Sunday mornings, but the truth is, I don't...." and I went on. It wasn't until someone repeated those exact words back to me that I heard my soul speak the truth about my role. "I have a choice. I don't have to show up." I may be there in body, but have I kept my soul and role undivided? Will I choose to show up?

May we all be graced to have someone who will hold us in the silence, people who will listen with open ears and open hearts, people who will hold God's mirror for our souls to see ourselves clearly, and may we all be open to hear the truth and have the courage to "show up" for life.