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Undividing = multiplication
For years, I could not understand what my peers in seminary were so enthralled about in Parker Palmer's writings. I tried several of his books at different points in my life, each time scratching my head in wonder and setting them aside again.
In the fall of my 40th year on this planet, I experienced what I could only describe as a full-blown mid-life crisis. I had been counseling a couple who were wonderful people individually, but together they had begun to destroy one another and their marriage.
In the midst of that, I attended the deaths of two parishioners on one day, followed closely by both memorial services which I 'celebrated' on the following Saturday.
I called my long-time pastoral counselor to refer the husband of the couple. In my message, I casually said, "it's been awhile since we've met, maybe I can stop in."
Thursday following the memorial services, I sat down in my pastoral counselor's office and began, "I just thought we could get together. I wanted to see how you're doing."
"Sure, but first tell me what you've been up to lately," he said.
"I really haven't had much going on," which I really meant at the moment. An hour later, I had described one of the past six months as the most dramatic internal changes in my life. He had not said a word, not asked a single question.
One of the many things Doug invited me to do was to pick up Parker Palmer's book Hidden Wholeness: The Guide to an Undivided Life. I did, and this time, I got it! I was at a point where I was living such a divided life, I couldn't even recognize how much was going on within and around me.
As I began to journey toward an "undivided life," I experienced great resistance from some people around me. At one point, one person came to me and said, "you really shouldn't express your feelings so openly. You should keep some things to yourself."
I'm learning that the journey takes a lifetime, and if you can find a few people who will listen with you, life grows exponentially.
May God lead us to the right people at the right time, that our lives may be whole as God intends.
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Why do things suddenly hit us out of the blue at the age of 40?? I had my life altering revelation around 39 to 40. I've been untrue to myself all of my life. I was 'taught' to be that way. Don't argue with people, go along to get along, if you say 'no' that's rude......and when you are raised in the South being rude is not an option. Life was literally spinning out of control for me around 1999-2000. I won't go into details but what happened to me was pretty profound. I became seriously ill. It stopped me in my tracks and even though I ignored symptoms and kept moving forward it eventually slammed me to the floor. And you know what was really weird? Everyone, but me, saw this coming. They watched me spin like a whirling dervish until I ignited and almost burned up. I was about as whole as a piece of swiss cheese! It took me a few years to put myself back together in order to just function again. But, it had to happen in order for me to be honest with myself and with others. We can all live a divided life up to a point-I think everyone does somewhere along the way. But you cannot do it forever. Well, I guess you can but you'll self destruct in one way or another. And sadly, you'll take others down with you.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate the honesty of Midge and Kelly here. I somehow missed the 40 something crisis, I think, since I had my children so late in life that I was still dealing with the all-consuming task of very active parenting. I missed the window of opportunity!
ReplyDeleteFor me, the divided life looks like one that's fragmented, pulled apart by the too-many's...too many tasks, too many things I care about, too many things I want to do...too hard to pull it all together!
I guess I missed the mid-life crisis too - I'm not sure I understand what Palmer means about the divided life...maybe I'm too blind to see. I have a divided life - or two separate lives - but they are divided by before/after type of division.
ReplyDeleteI think I will have to read more of Parker Palmer to understand what he is talking about.
From Whitney:
ReplyDeleteI'm catching up to the blog a little late, but I really like all your comments... I think the 'divided life' could also be called the 'broken' life. Kelly and Midge, I appreciate your honesty as well. Transparency is risky because some people will take what you share with them and stab you in the back with it... Hopefully, not many, but it happens. I experienced that with my first job as an ordained person in the Church. Yet, even that experience, as painful as it was, opened my eyes to the healing power of God who wants to bring wholeness to all the places where we are broken. But, that's another story. I'm convinced that whatever 'midlife' crises we encounter, no matter how many times, are the movement of God's healing presence bringing wholeness where we are broken. It never ceases to amaze me when I see that power in action in myself and in others! Most important of all is being transparent with ourselves and with God and it's a wonderful thing when there are trusted friends to share the journey and hold us accountable...